Sunday Whispers

Father’s Day just passed, and I want to write about my old boyfriend, Tyrin. Tyrin passed away on December 5, 2022. That’s a day I will never forget. I’ll write more about him later, but today I want to talk about how great of a father he was and how I’m still trying to understand God’s plans for me in all of this. Tyrin took really good care of my baby. We started talking and dating when I was barely pregnant, and he had just graduated high school. It's a little embarrassing to admit, since I’m six years older than him and obviously, I was already pregnant when we met. But from the very beginning, I told him straight up that I was pregnant. His exact words were: “That’s not stopping my program.” And it didn’t. I had just left a horrible relationship literally the day before I found out I was pregnant. That relationship was so toxic I’ll have to tell that story another day. I told my mom I was pregnant, and she was conflicted. She wanted me to have her grandchild so badly, but sh...

My daddy was found face down, slumped over the couch. Dead. It looked like his body had been pushed from his usual sitting chair onto the couch based on the way he was positioned. I couldn’t believe it. He was gone. At home. No complaints of feeling sick beforehand. My father had many close calls that sent him to the hospital or a nursing home for stretches at a time, but he always bounced back. When he was better, he’d come home, and sometimes he came back stronger than when he left. He had been on dialysis for years, probably since 2005, and only had one kidney. But he always made it. Until he didn’t. He died in 2018. Just days before, I had a strange feeling that one of my parents was about to die. I thought it would be my mom because her health was declining. I even took her to the beach in her wheelchair and pushed her down the boardwalk for a few hours. Two days later, my father died. Suddenly. He was just fine. My dad sold drugs up until the day he died. I had never seen my f...

I originally started this blog to release the pain and resentment I felt toward my family for the lack of support I received while grieving. It was a safe space for me to finally say the things I was holding in. But just a day after I posted my first blog, my cousin Tony passed away.  Tony was more like an uncle to me, he was always a phone call away. Over the last few years, I had pretty much become his secretary, handling all his affairs because his health was declining. Just a week before he died, I randomly decided to host a BBQ for my estranged uncle and invited Tony. My uncle came super late, but Tony showed up on time with his daughters and grandkids, something that rarely happened. We had such a good time together, full of laughs and family joy. Looking back, I know that it was God who placed that gathering on my heart. That BBQ was the last time his kids saw him alive. Tony passed on May 14. Six days later, on May 20, my sister, my mother’s other daughter passed away, to...