She Brought Her Friend to Confront Me… At My Mom’s Memorial Over a Man!

If you read my other blog post, you know that my mother died a few days after Mother’s Day in May. Her birthday is in September. I celebrated her first birthday in heaven in my front yard with a small group of family that I invited through a public post on Instagram. I didn’t share my address, but I left the invite open. I expected the family members who knew where I lived to come and they did.

But there was one surprise guest. A real surprise, because she didn’t message me and didn’t know where I live. It was my cousin’s best friend. Let’s call my cousin “Ashanti”, and her best friend T. At the time, I didn’t think anything of it. I was honestly overjoyed by the support. I knew she had lost her mother a decade or two ago, so I figured she understood the pain I was feeling.

T was one of the first people to arrive, so I greeted her and told her to make herself at home. I noticed her looking around, observing my space, the certificates on the wall, but I didn’t think much of it. I actually thought, okay, my place is cute, I get it.

Soon after, more guests arrived, including my cousin “Ashanti”. I was genuinely happy to see her because she doesn’t really show up to many events I’ve hosted in the past. Galentine’s Day, family gatherings, none of that. So her presence felt… intentional.

We’re sipping wine, taking shots, trying to find moments of light in the grief… and out of nowhere, T asks me,
“So what’s up with D?”

I’m going to call him D for obvious reasons.

That question caught me completely off guard. D was an older guy I dealt with here and there in between relationships, nothing serious. He showed up for me emotionally when my boyfriend passed, and then again when my mom passed a few months later.

Now keep this in mind, we are gathered here to celebrate my mother’s FIRST BIRTHDAY IN HEAVEN!

But the second she asked that, it clicked for me
“THIS IS A SCHEME THAT TODD SET UP!!”

I was being ambushed. Set up by my own cousin “Ashanti” to be confronted… about a man… with no warning.

I tried to play it off jokingly like, “D?! Hollywood Hills D?!”

I only said that because another cousin was there, and that’s where I had introduced her to him on a blind double date. Then I said, yeah, I know him what’s up?

Her response?
“Oh… we had a pregnancy scare.”

I said, oh… and how did my name come up?

She tells me she saw him texting me while she was doing his hair, and he mentioned how he’d been checking on me after I lost my boyfriend and my mom which is true. She also seen my picture posted on ONE of his Instagram pages. (he had a few, red flag!!!) Then she goes into how they were messing around and niggas aint shit. You know the same old shit us women say when we get our feelings hurt.

I was indeed shocked not just at what she said, but when she chose to say it. During a time of mourning? During a memorial for my mother? Like… who does that?

And I’m not going to lie, the way she said “pregnancy scare” didn’t sit right with me. As a woman who has experienced miscarriage and preterm labor, I’m very intentional with my wording when it comes to things like that. A scare is a scare, and a loss is a loss, and those are not the same. So I chose not to dig deeper, but I definitely clocked it.

Still, I tried to downplay everything because I felt bad for her. I kept it real and told her, yeah, I mess around with him, but I never took him seriously because I saw the red flags early. The thing is… those red flags didn’t even bother me because our situation was what it was, grown, honest, casual. No expectations.

From what I knew, D had been on and off with an ex for years. And somehow, every time I was single, he would be too. It just… aligned. No pressure, no strings.

He did nice things for me, sent me to the spa, showed up when I was grieving and even before then. But I always turned down trips because I didn’t trust where his money came from, and I wasn’t trying to get caught up in anything messy.

But anyway… back to the ambush.

She asked if I was still messing with him, and I told her the truth: "only when I feel like it". I laughed it off, tried to keep the vibe light, but the whole time I’m side-eyeing my cousin “Ashanti”.

Like… what are you doing?

You couldn’t pull me to the side? Give me a heads up? Talk to me privately?

Instead, this is happening in front of everybody, family, friends… everybody.

As the night went on, I learned that “Ashanti” had recently split from her long-term boyfriend who is the father of her child and that she had been pregnant at the same time as me but unfortunately miscarried.

Bingo.

She was hurting. And misery loves company.

Meanwhile, I’m trying to hold it together because this day is about my mom. The show must go on. But the energy had shifted, and the night couldn’t end fast enough.

We released balloons for my mom, but the whole day felt heavy after that. I was in shock. Disbelief.

I talked to my other cousin who witnessed the whole thing briefly, then I had to tell my other older cousin because… this whole situation felt like a scene out of a ghetto Tubi movie.

After that, I never looked at “Ashanti” the same. And I didn’t bring it up again until recently… but that’s another story.

So let’s rewind.

I reached out to D jokingly about it like, “Why you got your girlfriends coming to me as a woman?”

But really, I needed answers. I wanted to know if she was the on-again, off-again girlfriend he told me about.

He said no. Then proceeded to explain their whole “not a relationship” relationship… Basically, he gave her some and she went crazy. I'm not going to lie; I believe it because wooo.. D is for sure one of them ones... and that’s all I’m going to say because men be lying too.

Regardless, me and him were always chill. I already knew I wasn’t his type, I had clocked his super BBW preference a long time ago. And after seeing it play out in real life? Confirmed.

No hard feelings though. I’m here for a good time, not a long time. Period.

Now fast forward again…

I’m out on a date and run into D at a bar. We lock eyes. We’re literally the only two Black couples in there.

My date and him end up shaking hands out of respect. I asked my date if he knew him, he said no. Cool.

But me? I was on some sneaky shit.

I saw D head to the bathroom… and yeah, I followed him. I was waiting on him at the door!

When he came out, he told me how beautiful I looked. I asked who he was with and yep, it was the long-term girlfriend he told me about.

Another super BBW. Pretty, natural hair… but again, not me. Not his type.

At that point, I had liquid courage. I told him to leave. Right now. And meet me at my house.

And guess what?

He left.

A few minutes later he was leaving the bar. He texted me saying he was dropping her off. Shortly after that said he was outside my house waiting on me.

And me? Oh, baby I was readddyyyy!!!

Ego fed. I had the juice. 

Now… moral of the story?

Honestly… I don’t even know.

I just needed to get this off my chest. Because my family has been weird toward me from the very beginning, and I still don’t fully understand why.

My own blood cousin! My first cousin! Gave her friend my address to confront me… on my mom’s post-mortem birthday celebration.

The audacity is actually insane.

But one thing about me? I never cared that much about these men.

A wise woman once told me
"Get your fuck on and get the fuck on."

And another thing she said?

FUCK EM AND FEED THEM FISH.